Getting Back in Shape

I know. I know. This sounds like just another mommy blog complaining about baby weight, but I beg you, hear me out! Yes of course I miss my pre-pregnancy body, but more than that I miss caring for my self: my well-being. For the past 168 days, its been BABY BABY BABY! All Day. Everyday. I must sound pretty selfish, so don't get it twisted- I absolutely love and adore my baby Ruki. Sometimes when I look at her, I just get goosebumps because I can't believe she is actually here with me.

See, there I go again, I can't stop; I'm completely transfixed on her and my body is paying for it. I have been an athlete since a very young age. I'm one of those "No Pain No Gain" types. I love to feel the burn! Running was my forte. It was a stress reliever, an energy booster, an attitude shifter . . . a high. Now that I have not been exercising consistently, I feel sluggish, bloated, stressed, and sometimes just plain ole' down. I guess these symptoms could also be attributed to the severely discombobulated schedule of a first time mommy.

However, I've been using that excuse for over 5 months now. I think it is time to pull myself up by the bootstraps and get on the trail. I was doing a pretty good job walking the stroller before the weather reached the 100s, and living in Vegas, I know it won't cool down until late September. I felt so down and out one day, I bought a canister of Folgers coffee. I put a tablespoon of the mix into a cup of boiling water and was wondering why all the "stuff" was floating around in the cup. Filter you say? Oh boy, that's way too much work. I'd rather just go for a run!

THERE IS A GOD!!!!

As I nurse my beautiful 5 month old daughter, I think to myself, wow, how is this possible? You know . . . all of it, the whole thing. How is it that I can be the sole source of nourishment for another human being? But it's not just nursing; it's the love. How is it that I have developed a love for this crying, spitting, screaming, pooping little person? And not just any love, an unexplainable, impenetrable, everlasting love. I mean I would give my life for her without giving a second thought, but perhaps more importantly, she makes me want to live my life better. She makes me feel like I have to do better for myself- spiritually, financially, and academically- for the sake of her. Why do us mothers- and many fathers- have these feelings? I mean, okay she grew inside of me for nine months, but so what?

I think the miracle of childbirth continues far beyond those strenuous hours of labor. Sometimes I will look over at her and she is just gazing into my eyes, far longer than any teenie bopper couple trumped with infatuation. THIS IS LOVE. THIS IS GOD. It is moments like that when I know with complete certainty that there is a God. An All-Knowing, Most Beneficent, Most Gracious God. Who else could have created this love that surely no human could even fathom before they experience it for themselves.