Wednesday, March 21, 2012

See Ya Later Sucker! - Conquering the Thumb and other Toddler Habits


 
It came out of nowhere! All of a sudden Ruqi’s thumb found it’s way to her mouth. Not as a baby, but at the age of two and a half.

To say it came completely out of nowhere would be slightly unfair to my darling little girl. In one year, she faced several major transitions: relocation, put in daycare and then abruptly taken out, emotional ups and downs of mommy’s pregnancy finally ending with the introduction of the “new baby” , weaned off of breast, potty training, and let’s see, am I leaving anything out?

So, needless to say, she went through a lot emotionally and physically. With the new baby on board, I could not coddle her every time she was upset and I could not always sing and rock her to sleep.  As a baby, suckling the breast was her – and my- answer to everything. Whether she was hungry, hurt, or saddened, suckling was always her greatest comfort and medicine. Weaning her at twenty months when I became pregnant was difficult to say the least.

In retrospect, I realize that breastfeeding her through every emotional and physical strain as a baby set me up for our present struggle: thumb-sucking. I hate it. The sound is like nails on a chalk board as far as I’m concerned. The sight of it is not only unappealing, but attracts looks and comments from other adults.

I must admit, when she first started sucking her thumb, I was relieved. She was never a self-soother, but she had now become one out of necessity. I was so busy with her baby sister, that it was a relief when she would suck her thumb to sleep or to stop crying. I actually believe it was a blessing and a mercy for the both of us. However, as most things during toddlerhood eventually do, I believe it has run its course.

Yesterday I bought these really pretty Dora Band-Aids. With an excited expression on my face I said, “Ruqi, look at your thumb! It has a boo boo!” She inspected the red blister that has formed on top of her thumb from vigorous sucking.  “What do you think we should do?” I desperately needed the band aide idea to come out of her mouth, not mine.

“Dora Band Aide Mommy!” Thank God! I was so happy she agreed to the bandaging of her little swollen red thumb. Before she could think too hard about it, I wrapped the bandage around and snapped a pic. It worked pretty well all day, but when nightfall came she cried for her thumb and I was too exhausted to fight, so I removed the bandage. But tonight there was a breakthrough! I put another bandage on– with her permission- and got her to sleep with no sucking.

With every milestone usually exists the two steps forward, one step back rule. In addition to our normal routine of prayer and story books, I also had to sing to her, rub her back, and stroke her hair until she dosed off. But that’s okay; she’s only 3 years old after all. And if keeping her away from that thumb means I have to be a bit more nurturing, then perhaps that is a good thing too.

Sunday, March 11, 2012

INSANITY!


Please chaeck all that apply:

At times I feel:
ü  HOPELESS
ü  UNATTRACTIVE
ü  LONELY
ü  OVERWHELMED
ü  OVERWORKED
ü  EXHAUSTED

At times I want to:
ü  RUN AWAY
ü  SCREAM
ü  CRY ALL DAY
ü  SLEEP ALL DAY
ü  HURT SOMETHING OR SOMEONE
ü  GIVE UP

Postpartum depression is REAL. Whether you’ve had a baby 10 weeks ago or ten years, you may be suffering. Even if you are not clinically depressed, you have your moments, right? I know I do.
I’ll never forget getting in the car to go see a friend- Ruki was 2 and Saji just 3 months- and I buckled them both in their car seats. Saji wined in the beginning of the forty minute ride but eventually fell asleep. Ruqi just occupied herself with looking out the window and I put on some children’s Qur’an CD. I told myself, “Wow, I can do this. We’re good.”

Foolishly, I expected the same peace on the ride home. I buckled them in, and Saji wined a little, but no big deal, until… a scheech comes from the back seat. It’s Ruqi.

“What’s wrong honey?” as I try to look through the rear view mirror to see her.

She just screams and cries and screams and cries. By this time Saji joins in with a full-fledge wailing- you know, the kind where they turn all red in the face and can’t catch their breath. I’m on a narrow busy street but I find a place to pull over and slither around the side of the car to open the back door.

“Ruqi, are you okay? What’s wrong!?”

“Buggy! Buggy!”

“A bug! That little bug won’t hurt you!” I didn’t even see a bug. I was angry she disturbed the peace over a tiny bug, but I tried to stay calm as not to make matters worse. That’s when a miniature mosquito flew up between her dangling feet and she lost it. There was no consoling her. Turning to Saji, I regretted ever leaving the house; she was hyperventilating with tears streaming down her flaming red cheeks. I didn’t want to take her out her seat, because I knew I’d have to nurse her and at this point I just wanted to get home and get out this car. So I got back in the front and just started driving. I was trying to calm Ruqi down first by consoling her, then by giving warnings, and finally I just ended up screaming at her to be quiet; and this is all while steering with one hand and patting Saji’s chest with the other: NOT SAFE!

Amidst all the madness some really bad thoughts came into my head (Use your imagination). And then I felt guilty about the thoughts and then I felt like a bad mom and then I wondered what my life would be like without kids.

When I got home I just wanted to pull the covers over my head. But I couldn’t do that because I had these two little human beings that depend on me for love, security, teaching, nourishment and guidance. What happened to the times when I was only responsible for me, myself and I?

If you follow my blog, you know I LOVE being a mom, but sometimes it's really TOUGH! And we’re expected to be all things to all people, sometimes with NO SUPPORT. This isn’t a rant, this is a message to all the parents- involved Dads too – that it’s okay to be down and out sometimes. But if you find that you are “down” ALL of the time… if you feel like you could harm yourself or others… if “one good cry” is never enough… then please GET HELP. It doesn’t mean that you are weak; it means that you are strong.